Why Can't I?
by Notorious George Weasley
Summary: Cute fluffy story of summer with the Marauders renting an apartment. RLSB.
1. Swing Swing

Chapter 1: Swing, Swing

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters… but if I did I would openly write alternate endings to all the books! I don't own Coke either, so please; don't tell them I mentioned them. They'll take me away again. : Twitch:

Swing, Swing, Swing, from the tables of 

My heart is crushed by a former love

Can you help me find a way to carry on again?

It was a very sunny day in late June, and a hot one. A _very_ hot day in fact, but for 4 friends, it didn't matter. There could be snow outside and hail storms with killer ice blocks, and still nothing could dampen their spirits as they took boxes and bags up the several flights of stairs to apartment 669 in the corner of the building in the busy city of London.

"That's the last of it!" the slightly flushed face of Peter Pedigrew said with slight exasperation. He practically collapsed into the brown leather easy chair as his blonde hair fell into his cool eyes. Across the room, a tired looking werewolf was putting the books in the correct alphabetical order according to the author's last name.

"Moony, leave the books alone, they're fine as is." A slightly husky voice growled playfully. A 17-year-old man with shoulder length ratty black hair pulled back into a messy ponytail sat down and passed around some chilled muggle sodas. The light brown haired werewolf sniffed and continued to rearrange the books the **right** way.

"If you had put them away the right way, Sirius, I wouldn't have to do this." Remus Lupin retorted, letting his deep amber eyes dart to the rugged classmate on the blue couch. Sirius Black smiled and raised his glass Coke bottle.

"I put them the way I liked them."

"But they're my books."

"So learn to like them my way."

Remus rolled his eyes and couldn't help smiling to himself. That was Sirius' excuse for everything; "Learn to like it my way." Though it was very annoying sometimes, the werewolf had to turn away from Padfoot's vantage point because he didn't want his friend to know how much he loved it. Peter had become quite silent as he looked out the window down onto the busy London streets below.

"Man, were we lucky to get digs like this for the summer." The round-faced boy said, counting taxis.

"I'm just glad you guys could come, it wouldn't be fun being here all alone." Moony commented quietly, finally finishing his organizing of the books. His parents had rented this place out for him but after thinking about having the whole summer to himself, the werewolf had quickly decided to invite the other Marauders to join him. It was just too silent without them or his many siblings surrounding him. Besides, maybe he could really tell… no, let's not go there. It's impossible, give it up. There was only one thought in the poor wizard's mind anymore, and that was of his loyal friend.

"Where's Prongs?" Peter questioned, taking another chug from his Coke. The other two shrugged. Who on Earth knew what James Potter did anymore? He was always sneaking off with some Marauder or another to play practical jokes. Then Sirius began to laugh, making the amber-eyed boy cock an eyebrow.

"He's probably calling Lily for the hundredth time. The poor girl, she must be so sick of James bothering her every 5 seconds." The raven-haired teenager said. Remus disagreed, strongly.

"I don't think so, Sirius. I mean, it must be very flattering to have someone who cares about you that much. If I had someone who loved me that much, I would think I would be the luckiest bloke in the world. They're crazy about each other."

Peter stifled back a laugh. "Either that or they're just plain crazy. Did you hear that James wants to marry her?"

"Why would he want to get married?" Sirius asked, sitting up a bit. "It's a stupid thing to do."

"Yeah, but they have been going out for years, ever since 4th year actually." The werewolf said, opening a book where he sat on the hardwood ground, sipping his soft drink through the red and white straw he had placed in the bottle.

"True, and I really think he's gonna propose this year. He showed me the ring he bought her and everything."

The scruffy Marauder started to laugh. "His marriage is going to be hilarious."

"Yeah, and you know what a wedding means." Peter evilly suggested. The two boys cheered in unison after yelling "BACHELOR PARTY!"

Remus just rolled his eyes after laughing softly, thinking how beautiful Sirius looked laughing. The werewolf had loved his friend since he could really remember. This crush had been going on for 7 years… and still Lupin had hid it, not saying a word about it. But now his mind was made up. This year, before graduation, Padfoot would know Moony's feelings towards him... he hoped. He stayed quiet for the rest of the 2 hours the boys spent in their apartment. Looking at his friends over his book and counting how often they laughed. 17 times. Even when Prongs came in, looking tired, his face immediately lit up as the three Marauders began talking about clubs and what they were going to do that night.

Peter and James went out to get food from a near by pub and slammed the door behind them, disturbing their brown-haired friend from his reading, again. So that was how it was going to be. Just Sirius and Remus. Alone. In the apartment. But it would've been a lot more interesting to Padfoot if the werewolf would put down the book and start talking.

But Remus couldn't stand the idea of talking alone with his dear friend. The fear of saying something completely stupid overwhelmed him. That was the reason he was always so quiet. He never wanted to look or act stupid in front of Sirius. He wanted to seem perfect. Though that idea was shot to hell by his compulsive clumsiness. So he hid behind his huge book of legendary wizarding poets and bards. 

"So…Remus… What're you reading?" the scruffy teenage wizard asked, a bit antsy in being alone and almost silent. Silence was always unnerving for Sirius after being so loud with James and Peter, but Moony had grown accustomed to it.

"The Biographies of Wizards in Theater." Remus sensed the confusion in his friend's breathing and added, "Like William Shakespeare."

"Oh…" Padfoot returned, feeling that he should know _something_ about Shakespeare by now. Especially with Lupin being so into all the sonnets and plays and other forms of his work. "Is it interesting?"

Remus was on the 45th page, trying to ignore being interrupted for the second time. If anyone should know better it would be Sirius who should remember that it is not very wise to disrupt a werewolf when he's reading. Then again, it was Sirius Black. "Yes, very."

Silence once again filled the room. Only shouts of muggles down on the street seemed to keep the two boys sane. With a cautious look from over the top of his huge book, the small werewolf gazed at Padfoot. 

He was leaning back in the recliner, his messy black bangs swept to the left of his face, partially covering his eyebrow and giving him a debonair style. His deep brown eyes, a bit like dog eyes, where fixed on the painting of a little cobblestone alley in Rome, hanging on the opposite wall. On his face was an expression of longing and boredom.

_If only…_Moony said to himself, darting his eyes back to the page full of small black letters.

Sirius's eyes switched from the painting to the thin and pale wizard sitting in front of the bookcase. He was slim and nimble; not very much muscle, but it fit him somehow. His pale skin looked soft and his lips were perfectly defined. Then, of course, his beautiful amber eyes flitted this was and that over the pages in his huge book, his short dusty brown hair perfectly arranged on his head.

_If only…_Padfoot said to himself, letting his eyes stray back to the painting on the wall.

An hour passed and soon Peter and James were back, carrying a few more drinks, mostly alcohol, which Remus forcefully refused, to which James said, "Aw, goody two-shoes Moony, not even in for a little drink." Thus he brought up the wrath of "Guilt-trip Moony", who promptly reminded them all of their drinking last year in the dorms and how Lily agreed with him on this issue. James protested by saying that he wasn't married yet.

As the others drank the beer, Remus retreated to his room, building a fire and still holding his book, though he could no longer concentrate on the words. All his thoughts were straying away from their origin to the scruffy black haired 16-year-old classmate sitting just outside his door and down the hall.

Why did this have to happen to the shyest, meekest, weirdest, and possibly the most unlikely person in the world to even try to get Sirius Black to notice him like he wanted? Fate was indeed cruel, not to mention twisted and unbearably difficult to comprehend. Yet something inside the werewolf was screaming that Padfoot was the one and only, no wonder it hurt when Remus saw him talking to a girl, stringing her heart along and not realizing that he was also stringing along Moony's.

It almost felt like Lupin's heart sat on a swing that Sirius kept pushing. First they would leap up with hope and make him happy beyond all thought, then they began to drop, heavy from heartache, reality, and the depression of realizing that he could never have Padfoot. Yet the swing began to climb again every time the werewolf found himself around the scruffy boy.

A tear rolled off his cheek as Remus held his aching head in his hands. Confusing… Everything had always made sense to the brown haired boy. There was no problem that was in the least bit foggy to him! His scores were spotless! And still these feelings and emotions he had concerning Sirius baffled him. There was no logical reason for it and the werewolf didn't exactly favor the illogical ones.

Why of all the people in the school did he have to get hung over and strung out on Mr. Rogue himself, the scoundrel of all mischievous acts; Sirius Black?

###

Well, do you like it? Do you REALLY like it? I'm surprised I have so many ff's going at the same time… oh well, cheerio, pip, pip!


	2. Why Do We Always End Up Alone

Chapter 2: Why do we always end up alone?

_I've got a lot to learn and you've got a lot to teach._

The next day came too soon for the animagus. Sirius could have easily slept in another 3 hours, but he could hear Wormtail and Moony in the next room, making breakfast. And from the smell of it, it was indeed a feast. Accordingly, he leapt out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe, content with at least having slept in till noon.

Remus Lupin stood in his dark blue bathrobe, flipping pancakes and listening to a babbling Peter, who was off on another irrelevant tangent. It was very entertaining trying to carry on a constant conversation with the Pettigrew, but then again, the werewolf wasn't very articulate himself. For once in his life though, Remus longed for a conversation. Not just with anyone, but with Miss Lily Evans, one of his dearest and most understanding friends. Actually, she was his only understanding friend at this particular moment.

It looked as though Peter was finishing his point so Remus began to nod. "I get what your saying Peter."

"You know, that's why you're so cool, Re. You always listen to people."

"Hm? Yeah… Thank you." Moony returned, feeling a bit bad that he didn't know what the bloody hell Wormtail had been going on about. He had mentioned James a few times but now he had no time to think about what Peter had said.

"HUNGER!" James yelled, entering the kitchen. He plopped down in the seat and picked up his fork and knife.

"You know, Prongs, having someone to cook for you is a privilege, not something to expect." Peter said, putting a plate of food in front of the seeker.

"Yea, but I don't expect less from you two." He merrily chimed back, shoveling bangers into his mouth. Remus rolled his eyes and continued flipping the last of the pancakes onto plates.

They had omelets, bangers, French toast, pancakes and fresh fruit. As Remus sat down, Sirius walked in and also took his seat.

Remus didn't look up, he didn't want to. It would hurt and the swinging would begin again. He had to keep his mind off of Padfoot until he could talk to Lily.

Seconds on the meal came and Remus became quite full. Naturally for him being so thin, he never ate much, yet he practically lived off of chocolate, which continued to confuse everyone he came across. His amber eyes strayed to the clock. _12:30, perfect_, he thought.

"James, what's Lily's number?" Moony asked, taking out a pen and a pad of paper. The three other Marauders stalled their conversation to stare at the werewolf in slight suspicion.

"456-543-7091, why?"

"No reason," was the werewolf's answer as he cleaned and washed his dishes, gulping down the last of his orange juice. 

He went to his room and took a shower and put on his usual clothes; black pants, black long-sleeved shirt, green shirt over that. No matter the weather, Remus only stuck to those colors, sometimes silver. But no matter what, his socks were always outrageous. Even if you couldn't see them because of his black leather boots, they were still there, in bright colors of lime green and radiation blue. Who would have guessed?

He sat on his bed, towel-drying his hair as he picked up the phone. Dialing the number, he noticed that he was the only one in his family who knew how to use a telephone, let alone know that it existed.

It rang once. It rang twice. Then it was picked up.

"Hello?" said a dronish voice. It was Lily's sister, Petunia.

"Hi… um, is Lily there?" Remus asked, hoping that Petunia wouldn't hang up on him again, as she had been doing quite recently, especially for James.

"Yea, sure." She covered the phone with her hand and yelled down. "LILY! PHONE CALL!"

"It's not James again, is it?" Lily called back. Remus could hear footsteps as Petunia said no. "Hello?"

"Hi, Lily, it's Remus." Moony said, holding his towel and beginning to twist it. What was he doing?

"Oh hi Remus! Anything the matter?" her voice had suddenly gone very soft and caring, like a mother almost.

"Actually yeah, um… can you meet me in that park near London Bridge? I really have a lot to ask about… and it's kind of urgent…" Remus' voice was wavering and sounded a bit nervous; he wasn't even explaining yet!

"Sure, I'll be there in 10 minutes. In fact, I'll meet you in your apartment and we can walk there. Stand clear of the fire place."

She hung up before Remus could protest. He hung up the phone and waited. Soon enough, Miss Lily Evans appeared in a cloud of smoke and ash, though she was untouched by all of it. The red haired girl stepped out of the fireplace in Remus' room and hugged her best friend.

"You sounded so worried on the phone! What's wrong?"

"I don't think I should discuss it here… Let's take a walk."

"Sure thing. Just, don't tell James I'm here."

They soon found themselves down on the busy streets of London. People chattered all around them but the werewolf stayed silent, still wondering whether or not Lily would understand his problem, though, he had to admit, she most likely would.

It was a wonderfully beautiful sunny day in summer. The sunlight filtered down from the white fluffy clouds onto the witch and wizard that walked, surrounded by muggles. Nothing but the one person on Remus' mind could ruin the day, but he also made it so much better. As he shuffled his feet, Remus tried to block his image out, but it didn't work. He was still there with his irresistible smile and charm.

The two friends arrived at the park and sat down on a wooden bench under a large oak tree. Remus sat down slowly and looked at his hands; his small, feminine and white hands that were so delicate. He didn't want to admit he loved Sirius, but he needed to, and Lily could only help him if she knew the ailment. So, with a deep breath, he closed his amber eyes and mumbled, "I love Sirius."

Lily didn't answer. She had thought about them being in love, but she never really thought of it happening. Nothing personal of course, but Remus and Sirius were complete opposites. There was Sirius: the desire of all schoolgirls in a 5-mile radius of himself, and the wise-cracker of the group, and then there was Remus: the small, shy, pale, and frail member who was deeply in love with someone he was sure he could never have. Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So Lily smiled at Remus and cooed, "I had a feeling you did… So, what are you going to do about it?"

The werewolf shrugged and slouched, trying to think about what he could bring himself to do. "I don't know… I just… I really have no idea what I'm doing. I just know that this must be love…"

Lily was startled by the confusion in the usually all-knowing werewolf's voice. This _must_ be love, she told herself, because Remus would never be so gobsmacked otherwise. "Well… have you thought about telling him?"

Remus paled and snapped his head to stare at his best friend's girlfriend. He began stuttering, "Me? T-tell him, that I-? Oh Lily, no, no, I couldn't! He'd laugh! I-I could never-"

"Shh, stay calm… relax a little…" the witch said softly, putting two fingers to the werewolf's lips. Moony closed his amber eyes and let out an exasperated breath. His mind was going at a million miles an hour, just racing with the "what if"'s that darkened his mind. Sirius would never think it was more than a joke; Remus needed to show the animagus he loved him, which meant talking, acting, and trying not to be so shy. This would be the death of him. Lily began talking to him. "You need to show him, and you know you do. When you feel very nervous and anxious and you don't know just what to do, act with your heart."

Lupin could not make sense of the words yet, but he was lacking all experience.

"Er, Peter, can I… uh… talk to you for a minute?" Sirius asked awkwardly as he stood outside Wormtail's door. He felt so stupid, going to someone for advice on, of all things, love. Yet, he knew that he desperately needed it, and he knew Peter was the closest one to his would-be lover.

"Enter, Padfoot, " was his reply. The animagus opened the door slowly and looked inside. Pettigrew sat on his bed, head hanging off the side, reading a small muggle comic book. He sat up, showing his beet-red face and a slight grin. "What's bothering you?"

Sirius entered the room and immediately shut the door behind him. If anyone else found out, he would die of fright.

"Well, that's a funny thing because…" This was an extremely embarrassing moment for Sirius, for he found himself at a sudden loss for words. He tried again to explain. "What I'm trying to say is…"

"Spit it out, man! I have things to do this millennium!" Peter barked, being surprisingly forceful, but it did just the trick, because the next moment Sirius blurted out, "I'm in love with Moony." Padfoot then turned a fitting shade of pink and his eyes shifted to look at the ground.

Wormtail looked at the other animagus as if he had another head sprouting out of his armpit. After staring with wide eyes at the scruffy-haired wizard for a long time, Peter let a nervous and disbelieving titter out. "Y-you're joking, right Sirius? I mean… it can't be! You're straight, right? I mean, you must be! You're joshing me!"

Padfoot began to growl as he clapped his hands over his eyes. "I'm NOT! ALRIGHT?! I am in love with our little werewolf friend!" the Marauder yelled, banging his fists against his temples.

Peter was shocked, so he squeaked slightly and looked at his scruffy friend. He wasn't insane, because Padfoot wasn't laughing like a maniac yet. But there was no real logical explanation for Sirius loving Remus…was there? Then again, Remus had talked to him about Sirius now and then…_Oh God_, he told himself, trying to calm the other animagus down; _they couldn't really be in love… James will go batty_.

"I don't know what to do about it, Wormy. I've never really BEEN in love before! Do you have any advice for me? Any at all?" the scruffy Black began to whine slightly like his dog counterpart as his large brown eyes begged his friend for some help. Peter had no idea what to do. If Wormtail knew anything about relationships it was… that's it!

"All people want to know is that their appreciated and that people listen to them…grab a pad and some paper, you'll need to take notes on this one. Now, do you remember what Moony's favorite food is?"

Sirius grabbed a wad of parchment and a quill and he began to scribble. Then, he clearly answered his smaller friend's question as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Chocolate."


End file.
